


Gonna Find the Strength (Find the Melody)

by fangirl_in_a_trenchcoat



Series: The Phantom Chronicles [3]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV), The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Helen and Aline have twin daughters, Hurt/Comfort, Past Character Death, Shadowhunter AU, and I've decided they're adorable, they are 4 years old, this is set a few days after bobby's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28383375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_in_a_trenchcoat/pseuds/fangirl_in_a_trenchcoat
Summary: The Institute had been quiet.Or maybe it was just Luke's room, he wasn't sure. He'd never actually spent that much time sitting in his room, it was almost funny. But Luke couldn't bring himself to laugh because everything was wrong.Because he hadn't seen the music room in a week, he hadn't touched his guitar in a week, he hadn't really talked that much in a week.Everything was just quiet.
Relationships: Luke Patterson & Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Phantom Chronicles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079396
Kudos: 32





	Gonna Find the Strength (Find the Melody)

Luke had never really liked quiet. And being part of such a big family he never really got it either, which was completely fine by him. He contributed to the chaos just as much as everyone else. Maybe even a bit more at times.

And then there were his friends too. Yes, they were loud and yes, they might forget to close the door at the music room sometimes, but it wasn't that bad. They were good, Luke could tell as much and so did everyone around them. It's not like they could do much with it, but Luke loved singing and writing and playing... Just music in general.

Everyone would tease him, saying he was attached to his guitar, but it was true. Just like he resided in the murisc room most of the time because time would go by without him realizing it and he'd eventually fall asleep there. It was okay, the window bench had comfy cushions.

Some nights Helen would ask him for help with the girls. Liv and Ellie were also contributing to the chaos around there but they were four, so no one really minded. Luke adored them both and didn't really need to be told twice. He could play a lullaby just as easy as he could a rock song and having the girls cheering him on when they should be asleep was honestly adorable.

And Luke thought that maybe him and the boys could keep this. Maybe they could balance their Shadowhunter responsibilities with living the rockstar dream in their free time, even if it was just between them and the rest of the Institute.

And then somebody pressed pause on the clock.

Luke had lost a lot of people in his life. He didn't think it was fair to keep losing more of them, but the universe apparently disagreed. 

It'd been a week ever since Bobby had died and Luke hadn't really cared to face the outside world. Other than Alex and Reggie of course. No, Alex and Reggie were the only reason he was still keeping in the here and now. They weren't really talking that much, but they'd stay together, hold each other, make sure they were okay, they were there and they were somehow going to get through this. Even if it didn't feel like it right now.

And so the Institute had been quiet.

Or maybe it was just Luke's room, he wasn't sure. He'd never actually spent that much time sitting in his room, it was almost funny. But Luke couldn't bring himself to laugh because everything was wrong.

Because he hadn't seen the music room in a week, he hadn't touched his guitar in a week, he hadn't really talked that much in a week.

Everything was just quiet.

He was lying on his side on the bed, facing the wall away from the door. No one would come in without knocking first, not right now, but he couldn't be bothered to move. He'd thrown a blanket over his head and was perfectly happy to stay there until and if Alex or Reggie showed up.

He thought he heard footsteps from outside his door - not a rare occurence since his room was on the way to the stairs - but then the door opened slowly.

Luke didn't move.

"He's asleep," came a small voice.

Luke's head almost snapped up. That was new.

"He's not asleep, it's too early," another small voice said.

Luke would have chuckled under any other circumstances. He did feel his lips quirking upwards on the side, even if it was just for a few seconds.

The footsteps came closer, as well as something else dragging against the floor which Luke wasn't sure he wanted to know what it was. The bed dipped a bit just behind him and there was a small hand on his back, shaking him slightly.

"Uncle Luke," Liv said.

And yes, Luke had been ignoring a lot of people, but he couldn't find it in his heart to ignore his nieces. They were four, they didn't even fully understand what was happening.

He turned around, careful not to push any child off the bed, and came upon two beaming faces who looked at him like he was their favorite person in the world. And really, he'd do anything for them, but he couldn't bring himself to play happy and cheerful right now.

"Hey, munchkins," he said with a small smile, his voice hoarse from disuse. 

"Mom said you were sad, that's why we haven't seen you in sooo long," Liv said. Luke subconsciously knew that the 'sooo long' period was just a week, but he still felt a little bad about it.

"But it's okay, because we know how to make you happy again," Ellie added. 

"You do?' Luke asked, choosing to humor their plan. It wasn't their fault that nothing could make him feel happy right now.

"Yes!" Liv said excited to be able to help. "Ellie and I decided that you can keep these for now," she said reaching behind her back and putting two stuffed animals in front of Luke's face. A tiger and a lion, everyone was well aware, the girls carried those everywhere.

"Because they help us not feel sad and they can help you too," Ellie explained. 

Luke looked between the girls and the animals in front of him and quickly wiped a tear as soon as he felt it trailing down his face. "Thank you," he said clearing his voice a bit so he sounded more like himself.

"And," Liv started as she turned around and grabbed something from the floor, Ellie helping her since it was apparently heavy. Soon enough they deposited his guitar right in front of him on the bed, Ellie climbing up after it to sit next to her sister.

"Girls, I-" Luke started to say, but Liv hurried to cut him off. 

"Because when you sing you're always happy and we haven't heard you sing in sooo long, so maybe you just need your guitar," she explained.

And how could Luke explain to them that sometimes you were just sad and sometimes you just needed time to grieve and nothing could make it better. How could he explain that he'd lost so many people in his life, but he was older now and he felt like he understood more and that only made everything hurt worse. How could he explain that one more person in his life, one more person he was used to seeing every day, used to laugh, argue, train, study, hang out with every day was just gone and he wasn't coming back. How could he explain that no matter how many times he went through this it _never_ became easier.

"You still look sad," Ellie said, her eyebrows scrunching in confusion.

"I..." Luke trailed off, trying to figure out a way to say this. He sighed as he pushed himself into a sitting position, leaning back to the headboard. Liv didn't waste any time shuffling closer to him and taking a seat right on his lap with her back towards him. Luke wrapped his arms around her, keeping her close. The girls said he gave the best hugs. There was something comforting about holding Liv though. The girls didn't exactly know what was happening, they weren't looking at Luke as if the wrong words would break him, they were acting just like they always were. And yes, Luke was fragile, but this was different. And he really needed to hug his niece in front of him right now.

"You are both amazing," he said, "and this does make me feel better. But I'm still going to be sad for a while. It's not because you're not helping, it's just that sometimes you need to be sad for a while before you're okay again."

There was a little pause before Ellie nodded opposite of him. "Okay," she said, her hands going softly through the guitar strings. Luke looked at it almost wistfully. It was here, so close, maybe he could...

"Will you play something?" Liv leaned her head back to look up at him with a pleading smile. Ellie's head snapped up too and she bounced with an excited smile.

Luke hesitated. He hadn't touched his guitar in a week, he hadn't opened his notebook, he hadn't sung... But, God, he hated quiet.

He tentatively reached for his guitar, Liv crawling back beside her sister so he could place it in front of him.

"Something you wrote," Liv said.

"Oh we have requests now, do we?" Luke said with a raised eyebrow making them both giggle. 

"Please!" they both said, bringing their hands together and looking at him with puppy dog eyes. Luke was pretty sure it was karma for all the puppy eyes people said he gave them.

He felt himself smile. And maybe it wasn't going to last forever, but it was good for now.

He passed his fingers through the strings, suddenly feeling a piece of himself snapping back into place. Everyone said that guitar was an extension of him, they weren't really exaggerating and he wasn't denying it.

There was something he'd been working on for a while now. He hadn't really finished it and everything had come to a halt after Bobby, but he could try a verse or two.

_"Hearts on fire  
We're no liars, so we say what we wanna say  
I'm awakened, no more faking  
So we push all our fears away..."_

He sang quietly, changing the melody a bit, making it softer.

_"Don't know if I'll make it cause I'm falling under  
Close my eyes and feel my chest beating like thunder..."  
_

Luke's head snapped up when he heard a soft thump from the doorway, stopping abruptly. He turned around to find Reggie leaning against it. Him and Alex had been the only ones who came and went without knocking at any point throughout the day. What was surprising though was that despite the slightly red eyes, he had a small smile too as he watched them.

"Reggie!" Ellie shouted as she pushed herself off the bed and ran over to him. She caught his hand dragging him inside, him stumbling slightly as he came to a stop in front of the bed. "Sit," she said, "Luke is singing."

"I heard," Reggie said as he sat down, Ellie taking a seat beside him.

"You look sad too," Liv said with a frown, but then her face lit up. "Here," she said grabbing the lion and handing it to Reggie. "You can share."

Reggie looked at her with a slightly surprised expression and then back at Luke.

"They help you not feel sad when you're sad," Luke explained with a soft smile.

Reggie looked back at Liv and Ellie like they'd given him the best present he'd ever gotten in his life. "Thank you," he said, his eyes watering slightly.

"But now we don't have anything for Alex," Ellie said frowning too. "Because if you two are sad then Alex is probably also sad and we are running out of animals."

"You have at least ten more on each of your beds," Luke said.

"Okay, fine," Ellie said making both boys smile. Luke hadn't smiled so much in a while. And neither had Reggie for that matter.

"Carry on with the song," Liv said, shaking his foot next to her.

Luke looked at Reggie. He wasn't sure if he'd heard him sing or if he was actually coming over anyway. Maybe this was too much, maybe he wanted quiet.

"You heard the lady," Reggie said, smiling at him.

Luke smiled back, looking down at his guitar again and picking up from where he'd left off. Giving it a bit more passion this time.

_"I wanna fly_  
_Come alive_  
_Watch me shine..."_

None of them really liked quiet.


End file.
